Tuesday, February 21, 2012

24 Hours in the Old Pueblo - The Curse Continues... for some

Before we get this started - check out this video. When I say "I'm holding a Garage Party", this is what's going on. Seriously.

The Black Keys - Lonely Boy

Anyway, Back to the Action:

24 Hours in the Old Pueblo was one for the books. Well, every race at the back of the pack is one for the books. This race didn’t go off as planned - but it went off.
The weather was great, the track was fast and the BPR compound was outrageously cool. We're getting a hang of this racing thing. Too bad we aren’t too interested in The Race - we are only interested in the BPR Championship Series, also known as the race @ the back of the pack.

So below is a short summary of the weekend and a few pics. Below that are a few thoughts on the race itself. But I’m sure you, a trusted member of the BPR Fan Club, won’t make it to the end of the posting. Just because. That’s how you are and that’s what the blog-o-sphere is all about - browsing... not reading.

this is how we roll - no joke, jokester

The Awards - The BPR Championship Series:
This race was dominated by The Morale Chairman. We were all surprised. You see, The Morale Chairman, a.k.a TeddNeck, a.k.a. Corporate Tedd, doesn’t have much time to train, I mean ride The Judd’s bikes. The Morale Chairman is a responsible father and member of the working world. Therefore he only logged about 100 miles in the last 2 months. (Ok, last 5 months.) So he truly came ‘off the couch’ and put in some monster miles. Crazy demonstration of mind over matter.


The other hooligans at the back of the pack? Well, we all had fun. Even if we didn’t perform up to our abilities - or should I say ‘ we didn’t perform up to our lofty expectations’. 
The Awards:

  • The Morale Chairman. “I brought two couches, I came off the couch, but the couch doesn’t own me” Award. 9 Laps & current leader of the 2012 BPR Championships Series. 90 Points
  • The Judd: “I can break the 200 mile barrier - if it wasn’t for the damn Curse of the Pink Futon” Award. 7 laps and eventual champion of the 2012 BPR Championship Series. 70 Points
  • Prob-eee: “I’m to damn old for this, I need a new hobby, I miss my yoga mat. Will you give me a Massage?” Award. 7 laps and soon to return to a state of ‘retirement’. 70 Points
  • Mad Rhino: “I wish the porta-johns were closer, then again, I’m racking up mucho miles thanks to this flu, if you know what I mean” Award. 4 laps - but more like 10. 40 Points
  • The Lt Col: “Down but not OUT” Award. Zero Laps - will return to action once he finds a new knee on Ebay or Craig’s List. 100 Points, because I feel sorry for the dude!
    • And we all know that The Lt Col would've put down an easy 200+ mlles (13 laps) if he had a functional leg. Right?
  • Big Jim: "If he put on some plaid and rocked the patches he would get an award" Award. 8 Laps in like 9 hours & 20 minutes - with a little snooze thrown in after lap 6. No Joke.
The B.P.R. Championship Series

What We've Learned, The Lessons Learned:
  • When The Morale Chairman pedals The Judd’s ultimate racing machine, Black Sheep Highlight #1, The Judd shouldn’t be surprised when the dude that races ‘off the couch’ puts in big miles - Judd style.
  • 32 x 19 worked for The Judd. 32 x 20 worked for The Morale Chairman. But you know what... 32 x 18 is the answer to all the world's problems... when rolling on a 29er.
  • Lava Lamps don’t work too well in the cold.
  • The Morale Chairman is not afraid to implement the following eating strategy. Knife into peanut butter, knife + peanut butter into mouth, repeat, again. Hand the peanut butter jar back to The Judd.
  • Prob-eee is not afraid to set up a tent, sleep at a hotel for 3 out of 4 nights AND sleep in the BPR living room on race night. What was the tent for? Oh yeah, private messages. I forgot about that.
  • Mad Rhino is a finicky eater - his favorite food group? Hot dogs.
  • Mad Rhino’s padre, Rick, is not afraid to take the knife to the shirt at pants. Cutoffs, TeddNeck style. Awesome!
  • Big Jim can and will put down some wicked fast laps, until the Curse of the Pink Futon reaches out with a death grip.
  • A sheep trailer, I mean horse trailer, works just fine for hauling around the BPR compound... and a few sheep.
The BPR Compound:


The BPR Compound at 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo was All Time! Three couches, stereo, coffee table, end table, living room carpet, fireplace, disco ball, lava lamp, a couple spare bedrooms and an outhouse with an awesome view. 
That’s right. Mad Rhino, the recipient of two BPR Field Promotions, made it happen, again. He showed up early Thursday morning and secured an ultimate spot for the Back of the Pack crew. PLUS there was real estate right next door that our friends from Gallup snagged. It was awesome. The stage is set for the ultimate BPR Compound, to be erected at 24 Hours in the Enchanted Forest.

the compound @ the back of the pack

Plaid does not Conquer All: 


Well, the plaid Chuck Taylor’s are awesome, but I won't roll out with them next race day. The feet tend to slip forward in the plaid power machines, thus causing total toe numbness by hour 3 and massive toe pain by hour 5. So, no more plaid Chuck’s on race day. BUT the platform pedal & hiking boot strategy worked well for The Morale Chairman. So leave the Chuck’s for the post race party. But don’t be afraid to rock the flat pedals and hiking boots.


not a great idea

Payback’s a Bitch: 


Back at the 24 Hours of the Enchanted Forest, around lap #3... for us, Mr DrunkCyclist.com was at the shot / beer tent on the backside of the course. Just like any long lost friend, Mr DrunkCyclist asked The Morale Chairman to stop for a shot. Well, The Morale Chairman was convinced that he was on pace to set a world record and thereby qualify for the 24 Hour World Championships - so he passed on the offer. As The Morale Chairman sped away, Mr DrunkCyclist yelled out “What, you think you’re an athlete all of a sudden?” That simple comment got The Morale Chairman thinking for a moment, just a moment. (I LOVE the word ‘got’. It’s so simple.)
Anyway, at the start of the last lap of Old Pueblo the DrunkCyclist Gorilla cornered The Morale Chairman, and ‘offered’ up a bottle of Wild Turkey. (Yep, payback’s a bitch.) In classic Morale Chairman fashion (as he really isn’t an athlete) The Morale Chairman tipped the bottle back, way back. AND paid the big price by burping up Wild Turkey for the duration of the last lap. 


Moral of the story - The Morale Chairman won’t piss off a gorilla, again.
The Psychology of IT ALL:


This race had it all for us dudes at the back of the pack. We’ve fine tuned and perfectly executed the training plans. (PLANS - plural - because we are a team of individuals.) We all understand the demons. We all have a unique but similar game plan. We were all in position to dominate as we know how to dominate - at the back of the pack.
But it’s the psychology of each individual that makes the race dynamic and the results unpredictable. It’s amazing is how each race day situation is unique and each individuals response is different. 
A dude, The Judd, in perfect race shape (yeah, perfect) can fold up like a deck of cards due to a simple couch and the dream of living a life of luxury. Another dude can roll off the couch and rise to the occasion and throw down a personal best... Like the Morale Chairman. 
24 hour racing, 29 Inches / Single / Rigid style, can be a physical test, for some. But for most of us it’s a test that challenges the organ between the ears - the brain. Some days the brain rises to occasion. Other times the brain lays in hibernation. It’s called mental toughness, or lack of. It’s the Psychology of It All. And we’ll never GET It - at the back of the pack. But we thrive on the challenge, none-the-less.
The Conversation of the Race:


Prob-eee was in rare form at this race. His goal was 3 / 3 / 3 -> 3 afternoon laps, 3 night laps, 3 morning laps. Once he realized that his legs (and mind) would not support this goal he transformed into.... a couch potato that requested regular massages, from his personal masseuse. And this couch potato almost got french fried!
5:45 AM. The Judd was sound asleep on the couch, in the living room, counting his sheep, preparing for an 8:00 AM battle with the trails. Prob-eee just put another log on the fire.
Prob-eee: “Judd, Judd. Wake up”
The Judd: “Damn it Prob-eee. What? You just woke me up.”
Prob-eee: “Judd, a log fell out of the fire. The carpet is burning. Pick up the log.”
The Judd: “Prob-eee you just put a log on the fire. You pick up the log.”
Prob-eee: “But Judd, I just got under the blankie. I’m too tired. I’m cold.”
Geez. If Prob-eee was smoking in bed - after a nice massage - and dropped his Cuban cigar - and his bed started burning. I bet he’d call his neighbor for help, because he’d be too tired to put out the fire. 
The Pics:
the living room

the TeddNeck - thinking about the race - on the morning of race day

just some bikes

the start

the dudes at the start

our buddy from Tennessee. nice kit, nice boots, killer dew... dude
seriously, this dude was cool
and I swear he was showing his gut... on purpose

if a sheep is not in the budget, how about a Black Rhino
but only if your name is Mad Rhino

the night after

the sheep trailer is packed up and ready to go


And Some Music - That Makes Me Dance - Like a Fool






And Now What I Really Think:


At the back of the pack we seldom bring up issues associated with the global idiocracy routinely on display at sporting events. We are all about good times with good people. But the idiocracy at Old Pueblo was at an all time high. Many many fellow racers talked about the piss poor sportsmanship demonstrated over the 24 hour event at Old Pueblo. Is this piss poor sportsmanship similar to a festering plague? Maybe. I'm willing to bet It'll get worse before it get's better, unless the race organizers gain control and 'get medieval on your ass'.


Yeah, I'm one to avoid confrontation - at all costs. Life is too short to be dragged down in the mud. I was tempted to just get on my bike and move on - laugh it off. But at times I must tell it the way it is. So, this is the way it was.


The Ultimate Example:


Our friend, a female, was cranking out some laps on Sunday AM. She heard the dude near her vocalize his displeasure with the scene by saying 'they need to get these women off the course'.  


No Joke. Seriously. I'm not joking. 


Yeah, this is a perfect example of the vibe that most of us experience far from the front of the pack. Total Bullshit, Huh. Especially when you consider how many super freak women SMOKE the dudes on the course. Anyway...
The Idiocracy - The F Bombs:

Below are a few more examples:
a Jackass Yells: “1st Place Team, Rider Back”
the reality as we see it: Really, like I should pull over into this cactus because you’re in 1st place after the 3rd hour of the 24 hour race? Like the rule ‘a challenging rider must overtake a lapped rider safely’ doesn’t apply now because you are the first place team? Damn, jackass. Get a job. Grow up. Go back to your team RV and get a hot rock massage.
a Jackass Yells: “Yield”
a Jackass Yells Again: “Yield! Man! There’s no place to pass here!”
the reality as we see it: To hell with you, why do you think I won’t yield, right here. BECAUSE there is NO PLACE to pull over, i.e., no place to pass! Jackass. Wait 20 yards and don’t yell YIELD at me again.
a Jackass Yells: “Move!”
the reality as we see it: You want to throw down right here? How about ‘On your left when you get a chance’. Yell MOVE again and I’ll move your ass into a jumping cholla. Jackass. AND learn some manners - you better not be yelling MOVE to all the spandex clad Foxy Mamas out here.
a Jackass Yells: “One More”
the reality as we see it: Dude, if there is only room for one to sneak by, safely, then don’t try to be the 2nd (or 3rd) dude that passes when the trail closes out. That’s how dudes & dudettes end up in the cactus. And it should be the ‘One More’ dude that takes the cactus up the a$$.
a Jackass Yells:  “Excuse Me!”
the reality as we see it: Yeah, this jackass tried to pass on a rough descent - when there was a large opening 10 yards further down. So, Excuse Me? What, you want me to stop here in the rocks, fall over.... on your skinny ass.
a Jackass Yells:  “1st Place Corporate Team, Rider Back”
the reality as we see it: cycle back to the top of this section - you’ll see what we think when the jackass Yells “... 1st place team”.
What Comes Around Goes Around:
On the 2nd lap some jackass wearing an all black ‘kit’ with orange lettering ran me into a bush. No big deal - probably just an accident. He probably apologized and I just didn’t hear it. BUT then 60 seconds later the jackass ran a super cool dude on a 36er right off the trail, while going through a ditch lined with bushes and cacti. Ok, I no longer believe in accidents. This dude will get what’s coming to him. Especially when he gets sent to the big house (for being a jackass) and some bubba makes him The Bitch.
The Morale Chairman was entering the timing tent at night - the nice race volunteer instructed TeddNeck to dismount. So he did. THEN a JACKASS rode right into TeddNeck. Seems like this Jackass felt authorized to ride into the tent. No joke, another jackass tried the same thing on the next Lap. I’m sure the 3rd Jackass that tried this ‘roll in’ got the beat down of his life from the angry crowd. 
Some jackass in fluorescent green socks cut off The Judd on a section close to the final set of climbs. Whatever. THEN about 5 minutes later the jackass was run into a cactus by another jackass. Straight into a big prickly pear. Straight into it! Jackass #1 was PISSED OFF and yelled profanities at Jackass #2. I just laughed my a$$ off.
Yep, what goes around comes around, sooner or later.
Final Thoughts on Stupidity:
Yeah, the idiocracy was at an all time high this year. I was run off the course 5 times - at least. When I mean run off, I mean I was forced off the trail and had to slam on my brakes so I wouldn't run into a cactus or bush or rocks. No joke. Run off the trail FIVE times. 

Yeah, you all can say “It’s a race, dude. What do you expect. Toughen up.” 
And I say “If we all behaved that way, if we all threw elbows, if we all yelled MOVE or YIELD, it’d be a BLOOD BATH out there. Is that what you want?” 


Obviously Not!


And Again:


If you are really pissed at me  - for documenting reality, then come over for a classic BPR Garage Party. Your invited, bring your dancing shoes. Dude. Dudette.


Until Next Time:


Who knows if Back of the Pack Racing will show up for the 2013 edition of 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo. (Maybe we won’t be invited back due to the few F Bombs we throw out to the pricks, dickheads and assholes.) Bikepacking and snowbiking and fatbiking seem to dominate our future plans. We’ll always have time for the best 24 hour races in the great southwest, but there are a lot of awesome races out there. (Ask me, I'll tell you which ones are AWESOME.) So we gotta work on the priorities based on cash, time and the vibe. Not like you care though.

5 comments:

  1. Great post! Can't believe some of the things you heard out there! Ugh! I got yelled at a lot too, and the "One More" is so insane and i brushed cacti 3 times because of them. I started yelling out NO MORE or ONLY ONE. Some didn't even announce themselves but tried to squeeze through anyway. One guy insisted on passing while we were in a narrow ditch! Crazy out there. I like what Luke had to say about them - if they're that die-hard on the race, they should go do a point-to-point and get off a 24-hour lap course.
    But I also had a lot of great comments that I've never had spoken to me before such as "You're riding STRONG solo" from 3am onwards - wOOt! My best race ever!
    Great seeing you all out there again! The fields were stacked - you guys had 54 in the men's single speed? Crichey!
    -TC

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  2. Read the whole damn thing... does that make me a groupie or just lame? Any way, got say as a little woman on a little bike and not able to provide beat downs to pricks who run chicas off the trail I'd pay for some BPR protection. Perhaps a new racket for y'all? Talked to a friend who hangs with a gorilla, you probably know the dude... he's been known to wear a penguin suit and he also got p.o.'d at the lack of sportsmanship. We shared a bitchfest on the sunrise lap as Teddneck rolled past on lap 7 or 11 or some crazy thing. Anyway... I'm going with karma will get the douches who ran my lame ass over. And may the truly evil turds who don't tell you when 3-5 riders are gonna pass -- instead of one -- get sent to an especially tortuous circle of hell.

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  3. Hey TC and Anonymous Groupie (the little woman). Thanks for reading the blog and THANKS for the comments. Yeah. It was a crazy environment this year. I've never been to a race like that. But what the hell. In the big picture 80% of the dudes and dudettes out there are ones that we'd all like to drink a beer (or two) with. Maybe. It's the small minority that are dipshits. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dipshit) The race organizer can clean it all up, just throw out a team or two of the bad actors. That'll work. Can you imagine how these jackasses would react if they had to pack up their RV and 10 person support crew because of their piss poor sportsmanship. That'd be hilarious.

    And the funny thing - the super freaks are awesome. 'Super freaks' is my term to define super cool dudes and dudettes with freakish athletic ability. All super freaks are awesome to be around and make the event fun - like my buddies with the Kokopelli team. It's the wannabes that are problem. The dipshits that are average riders but think they are on the verge of qualifying for the Olympics.

    Oh well. Doesn't matter. I'll keep hanging with the great dudes & dudettes - that roll near the back of the pack AND the super freaks. The wannabes will get what's coming to them. Yep, what goes around comes around. Or is it, what comes around goes around? I'm confused, as usual.

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  4. Team Black Dog RacingFebruary 25, 2012 at 6:52 PM

    Nicely documented. Sorry to have missed your couch party. A member of our kick-ass ladies team - The Foxy Ladies - spend 20 minutes changing a guys flat tire, three times! She didn't sweat the fact that she was loosing time or that it was 4:30 AM. He was a tool with no extra tube or tire irons and she was a stud chick who can ride and wrench. Karma always comes back to you. See you next year on the couch.

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  5. The old dude with the Bunny Ears and carrotFebruary 26, 2012 at 8:47 PM

    One guy comes screaming up behind and yells impatiently, "Come on! Come on! Mind you it was the first lap. I'm ok with moving over when I get a chance to let the faster ones by. This just part of the race. I have been passed by Tinker more than a few times on these races. Everyone should take note of his style. never pushy, always polite. One lap nearing the end along the solo camp a lady yells out to me...... "A woman is ahead of you.... Go get her!". I thought that was hilarious.

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