Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Back of the Pack Membership - The Reality

The Founding Fathers of Back of the Pack Racing struggle with the questions of membership. 
  1. Should we recruit dudes & dudettes? Open up membership to B.P.R.?
  2. Could we recruit dudes & dudettes? Open up membership to B.P.R.?
  3. Will we recruit dudes & dudettes? Open up membership to B.P.R.?
Wow. Those are questions that we routinely debate. And we, The Founding Fathers, like to debate. If Back of the Pack Racing participated in Intramural Sports - we'd be a Debate Club.  Yes, really. We routinely debate. Our favorite subjects are: Evolution, Aliens, Religion, Politics. And as of today The Judd has never lost a debate against The Lt Col. AND neither The Judd or The Lt Col has finished a debate against The Morale Chairman. That's right. The Morale Chairman is intimidating - to the point that we all RUN away.

But there are three subjects that will never be debated. Ever!
  • 29 Inches, Single, Rigid
  • Plaid
  • Law and Order defined and maintained by The Founding Fathers
AND... The Supreme Council is a defined as: A meeting, scheduled or unscheduled, of The Founding Fathers. All decisions made by The Supreme Council are FINAL. Decisions will not be debated by any / all members of Back of the Pack Racing.

To define and maintain Law and Order The Lt Col scripted the Back of the Pack Operating Instructions - an unknown request of The Hustorian, The Judd. (Unknown request? Yep, unknown request.) The B.P.R. OIs are clear cut. No room for interpretation. No room for waivers. It's It and That's That. 

So, we are organized. We can address the topic of membership, therefore we will address the topic of membership. We'll start with the reality of B.P.R. membership, comment on current membership and maybe even address future membership. Or maybe not.

The Reality:
The reality of Back of the Pack Racing membership is defined below in the B.P.R. Membership Diagram.  The Judd has received many inquires into B.P.R. membership. To date, the standard response is "Review the B.P.R. OIs. If you, the B.P.R. prospect, can support the lifestyle... then get back to us." Well, only a few dudes have committed to the lifestyle. And it's a lifelong commitment.

Enough rambling. Check out The Diagram. Think about The Diagram. Understand the Diagram.

A Few Comments:
  • The Professor Emeritus was The Dude way before The Dude was The Dude. The Professor Emeritus has unique privileges, such as a custom retro Black Sheep Highlight. Only one problem. The Judd has yet to hand over the retro Black Sheep. Yeah. Imagine that.
  • The Founding Fathers. Need I say more?
  • The Full Members. Well, Jasper in NZ has a fully rigid titanium Black Sheep. He qualifies for full membership. The two other dudes on the South Island? They'll remain anonymous - we must protect the identity of these NZ socialites. But the dudes arranged the Incredible Adventure. So they are in.
  • Prob-eee? Probationary Membership? Yeah. That's the whole reason I'm motivated to publish this posting. More below, dude.
  • Rhino? Probationary Membership? Not Really. The Morale Chairman nominated Rhino for a Field Promotion, a promotion to Senior and Tenured Member. Rhino does everything the right way - the Back of the Pack way. Rhino is busting his A$$ figuring out all the Arizona 300 details and logistics. The Founding Fathers will discuss this Field Promotion at the next Supreme Council. Oh yeah. Rhino's profile is not published yet - but it's in the works. The other profiles (The Back of the Pack Racer Profiles) will be updated too. Maybe.
  • Associate Members? No takers yet. It's simple. Ride a titanium, fully rigid Single Speed (or is it Singlespeed?) and live the B.P.R. Lifestyle defined in the B.P.R. OIs.
  • Additional Probationary Members? It's totally simple. Ride a fully rigid single speed and live the B.P.R. lifestyle. How hard is that?
Prob-eee is as Prob-eee Does:
Yep, Prob-eee is as Prob-eee Does, a recurring problem. What a NIGHTMARE! Prob-eee has been moved to Membership Under Reviewbased on numerous issues  This does not mean that Prob-eee could / will get the boot. A member of B.P.R. is always a member. Just like a Felon is always a Felon. (Actually, once you're in - you probably can't get out. It's a secret society thing.) We, The Founding Fathers just don't know what to do with Prob-eee.  

The Commitment:
A Commitment? Is Prob-eee committed to the Single Speed (or is it Singlespeed?) Lifestyle? That's the unknown. Prob-eee ordered a titanium Black Sheep. Then cancelled the order. Then he reordered a steel Black Sheep. Ok. That's 'kind of' a commitment. Is 'kind of' good enough?

The Prob-eee Issues:
There are two MAJOR issues with Prob-eee. Gears and the LOVE of Spandex. Let me explain via a recreation of a discussion... or a set of discussions.

Issue #1:
The Judd: "Hey Prob-eee. 29 Inches, Single, Rigid. Right? Rumor has it that you are riding a geared bike today."

Prob-eee rattles off 4 'excuses' before The Judd can even interrupt. AND The Judd loves to interrupt.

Prob-eee, excuse #1: "I'm trying to better myself"
Prob-eee, excuse #2: "It's all about Zone 2"
Prob-eee, excuse #3: "You guys may be a bit narrow minded"
Prob-eee, excuse #4: "It's a training tool"
    Issue #2:
    The Judd: "Hey Prob-eee. Rumor has it that you're wearing spandex leg warmers and arm warmers. That's not authorized."

    Prob-eee rattles off 5 'excuses' before The Judd can take a bite of his breakfast burrito. AND The Judd loves breakfast burritos.

    Prob-eee, excuse #1: "They aren't spandex, they're SmartWool. Not dumb wool, not spandex"
    Prob-eee, excuse #2: "They are just like long underwear but without the parts"
    Prob-eee, excuse #3: "Leg warmers are a good piece of equipment"
    Prob-eee, excuse #4: "Come on! They are easy to slip up and slip down"
    Prob-eee, excuse #5: "Your are a spandex closet freak. I know you wear spandex and not tighty whities under those cargo shorts."

    The Judd: "Prob-eee. Hold your horses. You're talking to a Founding Father. How do you know I'm not wearing tighty whities under these cargo shorts? Huh? How do you know? Quit trying to create controversy, dude."


    The Madre:
    Well. We, The Founding Fathers are SCREWED. The Madre says that we must be nice to Prob-eee. Something like 'Back of the Pack Racing needs a NICE Guy or two'. Damn. I hate it when The Madre lays down the law. But what can we do?

    Therefore we need to review Prob-eee's membership in Back of the Pack Racing. He's in. But he is a trip. What do we do with him? Yep. Membership Under Review.

    The Future?
    What a nightmare, dude! Gears & Spandex Leg Warmers? It's like we're stuck in a flashback to Flashdance!





    Check out this video. Go to the 2 min 10 sec mark. Prob-eee's dancing in his leg warmers and spandex. No joke, jokester!


    Wow. Another example. This is a video that is littered with Prob-eee and his leg warmers. Unbelievable! Follow the link, dude or dudette!

    The Link - Flashdance Action

    10 comments:

    1. (Random Dude's Brother-in-law here... that of the Lt. Col's mistaken identity.) Don't compromise the brand! I too am a single speed convert, but could not live the B.P.R. Lifestyle (there is a shock on my Ti). I have been "in the back" at races and heard people ask you about membership. They were not worthy...few are. Let Pro-bee be Pro-bee. You will always need one. But hold on to the BPR values. Don't let the posers in.
      TS
      p.s. My wife is a debate coach - she might even scare the Morale Chairman

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    2. Hey Random Dude's Brother-in-law. Thanks for the comments. Yeah. We won't change any if the requirements. If anything we will update the Operating Instructions to be a bit more specific. Like an official ban on leg & arm warmers. Prob-eee? You're right. We all need a Prob-eee. Prob-eee is a big deflector. I was the target of all the S*^T from The Lt Col and The Morale Chairman. Now the S*^T is spread around a little.

      Wife is a debate couch? Yikes. That could make for a tough marriage. But yeah. The Morale Chairman might not win via intimidation, he may go down if facing a true professional.

      Stay Cool. See you out there. And to avoid further confusion, tell your Bother-in-Law this: Prob-eee is short and is usually complaining. The Lt Col is tall and is usually dirty and bloody from his routine crashes.

      Judd

      ReplyDelete
    3. If I can offer any observations on opening up the team enrollment numbers it would be these:

      -People that ask to join usually being flaky. People that you ask to join usually end up lifers. Weird, but true.

      -Stick with professional workers, not professional cyclists. This is a very narcissistic sport......

      -Don't worry too much about dress codes or what others ride. It's all about having fun.

      -Get as many women on the team as possible. They are smarter.

      You guys rock BTW - hope to see you venture up to some of our Colorado Endurance Series stuff!

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    4. Sounds like a Sorority.
      =)

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    5. Hahaaa - Matt *gets it* - "Women are smarter."
      Awesome.

      ReplyDelete
    6. Hey Matt. Thanks for the comment. Thanks for checking out the blog. Yep. I pretty much agree with everything you say. We definitely need some women. But you can't force these things.

      We may have rules and structure - but that is just to help us bound our humor and ensure that we never get serious. In reality, anyone and everyone is welcome. We will evolve, the organizational structure will evolve. (I love that word- evolve - mainly because I don't believe in evolution. That does not mean I believe in creationism. I believe that we are alien transplants.) What was I saying? Oh yeah. We will evolve with whatever the future holds. We are all about 'having fun' - having fun on bikes and off of bikes. So we will see where this all goes.

      I definitely intend to show up at some Colorado Endurance Series races. I'm planning on the Durango Dirty Century. I'm trying to work a schedule that supports riding the entire Colorado Trail. My long term goal is the CTR, but I want to ride the entire trail (in 5 long weekends - 5 segments) before I go for the gusto. So my dream is to do the Durango Century then the Silverton to Durango CTR segment. Dreams are great. Reality hits me in the face sometimes. But I'm optimistic.

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    7. Hey Z. What kind of name is that? European? I like your idea. A single speed sorority. I was in a fraternity. So I know that a single speed fraternity is a BAD idea. But sorority? That may bring the foxy mamas. If this works out -I'll give you all the credit.

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    8. What is the first rule of Fight Club!

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    9. Mr Anonymous. That's a good one. But I like Rule #2.

      ReplyDelete