Friday, December 31, 2010

2010: A View from the Back of the Pack

2010 was an amazing year for Back of the Pack Racing. 2010 was a year of travel, a year of chaos, a year of suffering, a year of titanium. 2010 was a year in which Back of the Pack Racing reached the forefront of single speed ludacracy while avoiding the idiocracy displayed daily on the tool we call 'The Internet'.

Yes, we all have day jobs - but we all dream of the single speed lifestyle, we all dream of riding into the sunset with the foxy mama, we all dream of the next killer plaid shirt. Back of the Pack Racing has defined us at a personal level, defined us as a team, defined us as movers and shakers, defined us as little kids fighting our way to the table where the big kids sit.

Psyche! That's the point dude! We don't want to be at the big kid's table. We will not grow up! We just want plaid and patches and titanium. We just want to live the single speed lifestyle and forget about the chaos called reality. We just want to have fun and laugh our way to the next 24 hour race.

What the HELL am I saying? Who knows. Let's get back to the B.P.R. Review of 2010!

The 2010 B.P.R. Championship

The Champion? Can the B.P.R. Champion, i.e., the winner of the B.P.R. Championship be an individual that cherry picks the races? Can it be an individual that shows up to 38.889% of the races on the 2010 Back of the Pack Race Schedule. Or is the B.P.R. Champion the one that sacrifices all for fame and glory. 

Well, The Lt Col claims that he is owns the 2010 Back of the Pack Championship. I know most of the B.P.R. Fans suffer from Internet induced A.D.D., so I won't go into the details. We will let The Lt Col live in his fantasy world. We all know who the champions is.... the champion is the dude that defines reality and writes the history. That dude is The Judd

To avoid all future confusion - the 2011 B.P.R. Championship Series is defined in the 2011 B.P.R. Race Schedule. Points will be awarded AND weighted appropriately. Yep, you know who to put your money on.

The 2010 High Altitude Championship

Showing up is half the battle. And if anyone knows anything, they know that the B.P.R. High Altitude Championship is the ULTIMATE in high altitude racing. Too bad no one wants to show up for this classic event. Next year - a 3 day stage race. Check out the race review and the videos. The San Juan Mountains provide incredible views... along with an incredible racing venue.

The Race Review - Back of the Pack Style

Yeah, the videos are long. But chill out to the music - Metallica. The Madre digs Metallica. So you should too!

Red Mountain Pass - The Video.

Black Bear Pass - The Video

Imogene Pass - The Video

And to all those Foxy Mamas out there - I'll go on a romantic hike. If it's a hike up Imogene Pass. I'll be pushing my 'sheep, of course. 


How about a 1500 foot drop (+/- 1000 feet) to the Uncompahgre River? 

The 2011 B.P.R. High Altitude Championship will be a stage race in the San Juan Mountains of Colorado. Who will be MAN enough to show? Who will battle The Judd on this wicked three day stage race? Dates TBD. It all depends on when the challengers are available to challenge the 2010 champion.

The Quote (or Conversation) of the Year

The Lt Col was riding in the Albuquerque South Foothills one day - during work, of course. The Lt Col did what the Lt Col does, he ate S*^T going around a corner. A dude rode up and the short conversation started:

Dude to The Lt Col: "Hey are you Prob-eee?"

The Lt Col to the Dude: "What? Are you kidding me? I'm a Founding Father!"

This is no joke, jokester. A random dude, a dude that is unknown to any Back of the Pack Racer, came out of the dust and asked The Lt Col if he was Prob-eee. Talk about weird! Well, that's the way it goes. Sorry Lt Col. But NO ONE would ever mistake The Judd for Prob-eee. Just saying.


The Race of the Year

I don't need to waste any 1's and 0's on THE Race of the Year. It's self explanatory.

Single Speed World Championships - Whakarewarewa Forest, New Zealand

The Adventure of the Year

What happens when you have a problem? Well, throw 3 Kiwis and 2 Americans at it and the problem will be solved in Back of the Pack Style. (Yeah, I really had nothing to do with the solution. But I created the problem. Doesn't that count?)

The solution to the problem? A number of random events that culminated in an incredible adventure.

The Adventure @ The Single Speed World Championships - New Zealand

The Bizarre Story of the Year

I have a good imagination. Not that you would ever know. But I can't make this S*^T up. I spent many, many hours / days mapping out the trail system in Albuquerque. Yeah, it's already mapped out, but not in Back of the Pack Style. I renamed most trails. The names all have meaning. Meadow of the Witch is a favorite. Well, it was. Until a witch showed up in the Meadow of the Witch and did some very bad stuff.

The Meadow of the Witch, The Real Story

The Pic of the Year

The Back of the Pack crew showed up for the 24 Hours of Colorado Springs. Below is the Pic of The Year. The crew 'racing' past the B-52 at the North Entrance of the United States Air Force Academy. Wicked race, dude!

Oh yeah, the relentless pace laid down by The Judd caused Prob-eee to bust a lung and exit the race after one lap. Prob-eee should take a lesson, or two, from The Moral Chairman. Don't hang with The Judd on lap 1. Just because. And for full disclosure - The Judd failed to achieve his race goals too - a bee sting induced fever laid The Judd out. It wasn't a good day for The Leader of the crew.


The Failure of the Year

Yeah, I'm a complete failure, at times. Back in the spring I publicly stated that I would commit to The Johnny for ONE year if my performance at the 12 Hours of Mesa Verde was substandard. Well, due to a busted up knee I stopped at 50 miles. Yeah, and I also QUIT on The Johnny a few weeks later. Well, I can't live my entire life as a quitter. So, at the end of 2010 I reaffirmed my commitment to The Johnny. It's on. I must lead by example. What am I talking about? Well, check out this link. It spells it all out.

The Commitment to The Johnny: Judd is a Walking Freak Show

The Then

The Now

The Disappointment of the Year

The Judd drops serious cash on patches. What's a 'kit' without killer patches.

Well, some patches are for advertising - one way or the other. These two patches didn't exactly generate any interest. Yeah, definitely the biggest disappointment of 2010.




Yikes. The only email I received at juddSSingle@gmail.com was from The Lt Col. Great. Did anyone call the 1-800 # ? How would I know. I don't answer the phone. I don't talk on the phone. I don't check for messages. Maybe that's my problem... or one of my problems.


B.P.R. Video of the Year

The Ride to the start of 24 Hours in The Enchanted Forest. Yeah, The Video of the Year has nothing to do with the race. It has everything to do with the ludacracy of B.P.R. and the tunes, of course. 

24 Hours in the Enchanted Forest, cruising to the starting line

Actually. The Video of the Year must be the Black Bear Pass leg of the B.P.R. High Altitude Championship. Why? Because it's a view from the Solo Single Speed Champion of the B.P.R. High Altitude Championship. And the video gives all those Black Bear Pass fanatics a front row seat to the bitchin' views. (Sorry, it's a long video. Just because, dude!)

Black Bear Pass - the ride down to Telluride from the summit.

The Year of the 24 Hour Race

Back of the Pack Racing showed up at EIGHT 24 hour races. Well, The Judd 'raced' in '8', that's eight, 24 Hour races. The Lt Col and The Moral Chairman raced in 6. Prob-eee participated in 4 before the late night Demons conquered his soul.

Eight 24 hour races in one year is brutal. Not so much a physical challenge (except when racing with bronchitis or a fever induced by a bee sting) - just a huge mental challenge.

All the races are documented in the history books of Back of the Pack Racing. All race reviews are grounded in reality. We all survived some crazy racing chaos.

In 2011 we will race less, but race harder. That's a guarantee. Well, domination by The Judd is also a guarantee.


The Year of the Patches

Back of the Pack Racing believes in 100% Cotton and Patches and Shorts with Pockets. Single speed endurance racing is all about accepting and thriving on pain and suffering. Call it MISERY. So... 100% cotton work shirts loaded down with bitchin' patches is how we roll. Yes there is a side benefit... all the Foxy Mamas of the world don't have to look at our middle aged beer guts. I'm sure the Foxy Mamas get enough of that by checking out the other 97.825% of the racing crowd.


The Year of the Sheep

2 more sheep were added to the Back of the Pack Flock. (We'll steal the term 'flock' from the Black Sheep crew. They often talk about the 'flock'. So we will go with that term.) Anyway 2 sheep were added in 2010. How many sheep will be added in 2011? Well, there two primary variables. 1) How many single speed Black Sheep riding freaks will join the ranks at the Back of the Pack, 2) How many sheep will The Judd order.


The Year of the Mileage

The Judd put in the miles in 2010. The legs burned through 3525.46 miles - all on the single speed machines, of course. To some, this may sound like a lot. To others, this is pathetic. My opinion? My effort in 2010 is a bit below my personal goals set at the start of the year. I spent WAY too much time traveling to / from races and not enough time training for the races. Next year will be different. Maybe. How about a 2011 goal of 4800 miles? I'll have to think about that.

The Year of The Prob-eee?

F*^Kin' Prob-eee. That's usually how most conversations started after June 1st. Yeah, Prob-eee entered the ranks around midpoint of 2010. Back of the Pack Racing will never be the same. Luckily, Prob-eee attracts most of the S*^T ejected from The Lt Col and The Morale Chairman. So that it good news for The Judd.

Prob-eee's status? That's a major question that will be answered in the early months of 2011. IF Prob-eee acquires a sheep and if that sheep is not titanium, will Prob-eee ascend the B.P.R. membership ranks to Full Member? Probably not. Prob-eee will always be Prob-eee. We may update the B.P.R. Operating Instructions to clearly define Prob-eee's position on the team. (Prob-eee. Just remember. Chicks dig you just the way you are.)

The Year of The Judd

What's a Judd? Back in the day someone said 'What's a Judd?' Well, 'a Judd' is now 'The Judd'. That's just the way it is. Back of the Pack Racing has The Judd, The Lt Col, The Morale Chairman. When will Prob-eee become 'The Prob-eee'? It's all about commitment and setting yourself apart from the mules that define the norm.

Man, as the Back of the Pack crew expands, as it is and will, The Founding Fathers will be challenged to generate and apply the lingo that accurate defines one's position on the team and one's responsibility to team operations.

What's Next?

The Movement

2010 was about foolishness and fun. We tried to shame the serious into the not-so-serious. Well, 2011 will be a 180 deg shift in directions. 2011 is all about setting B.P.R. performance records and acquiring that elusive beer sponsorship. Therefore you will not see Back of the Pack racers crack a smile, tell a joke, or even pretend to have fun. 2011 is all about the goals - and achieving the goals while sporting bitchin' work shirts loaded with patches.

2011 will be one for the history books as we EVOLVE as a team of individuals, a team of psychopathic single speed freaks.

The Goals

Well, there are many goals and dreams that we all have for 2011. But here are the basics, as defined by The Judd:

The Judd: Bike packing - racing in total isolation for days. It's called cheap therapy. Therapy? Yep, The Judd wants to change the world. But the world isn't ready for a freak show like The Judd. Therefore therapy of isolation is required to help The Judd slow down and enjoy life - slow down until it's time to run for President of the United States.

The Lt Col: Chase the elusive Back of the Pack Championship.

The Moral Chairman: Break 150 miles at a 24 hour race without training a single day.

Prob-eee: Can he survive the chaos for one complete year? Can he live with the torment that the Founding Fathers have endured for 16 years? Prob-eee's goal is to stay loyal to those qualities that made him 'Prob-eee'.

Rhino: Will he dig the Back of the Pack Racing lifestyle. We can't provide money or cars or spandex. But we can provide The Fame and The Babes. What else does a dude want?

The New Zealand Connection: Will the dudes in the Southern Hemisphere promote the lifestyle? Will the dudes in New Zealand start a southern hemisphere SS revolution based on patches and plaid and titanium?

Oh Yeah, Back of the Pack Racing's Favorite Band for 2010

Black Owls, can't get any better than this. So says The Judd



AND FINALLY - The Crazy YouTube Videos of the Year

IF YOU made it this far - we will reward you with two outstanding videos that were plucked off of YouTube. WARNING: We at Back of the Pack Racing do not support or condone foul languages or messages that can be considered 'inappropriate for kids'. AND WE DON'T SUPPORT the lifestyle documented at the end of the 2nd video. BUT we all like to laugh. So check out the videos.

AND MADRE! You and your senior citizen friends SHOULD NOT view these videos. You old dudes & dudettes do not have the mental faculties required to understand and enjoy these videos. I'M WARNING YOU. Turn off your computer and turn on The Weather Channel.



In The End

In the end.... it's all about the romance. And romance is whatever you define it to be.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Prob-eee IS AS Prob-eee Does

Yep, that's the truth: Prob-eee IS AS Prob-eee Does. 

As 2010 winds down I'm in a mad rush to plan out 2011 and finish all my yearly household chores. Yep, The Judd only cleans the house once a year. And no, my house is not a mess. It stays clean as a whistle throughout the year. That's how it works when a dude's never home. 

Anyway. Chores are done and 2011 planning is almost finished. Therefore I have time to reflect back on the 2010 events. A 2010 Year in Review will be posted shortly. But first I must post this info on the famous, rather infamous, Prob-eee. 

You see, Prob-eee started off as a nickname for all Back of the Pack probationary members. (Refer to the Back of the Pack Operating Instructions.). But the 1st Prob-eee has destroyed the term by exceeding all expectations of ludacracy. (Ludacracy? Yep, very similar to 'Idiocracy'. But Ludacracy is a positive term. Are you confused? Good.) 

Just to remind you all. This is Prob-eee. 
This is Prob-eee racing hard at the 24 Hours in The Canyon.

Because of Prob-eee's actions, there can never be another Prob-eee. Calling a dude or dudette Prob-eee would be 'Cruel & Unusual Punishment'. We are trying to recruit Back of the Pack racers, not run off prospects. 

And no, I'm not ripping on Prob-eee just to rip on Prob-eee. I'm documenting this ludacracy so future racers know what constitutes unacceptable behavior. Yes, Prob-eee is a member of Back of the Pack Racing. But The Founding Fathers want to be very clear... THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER PROB-EEE! 

Anyway, the stories of Prob-eee are endless. But below is a quick summary of one crazy 3 day trip that I recently took with Prob-eee. As always, my notes accurately document reality. 
  1. A quote: "Hey the flight test was postponed a day. That means we can go site seeing tomorrow."
  2. Another quote: "Hey, that's a nice park. We should buy a frisbee and hang out and throw it around."
  3. Another quote: "Come on dude, let's walk through the parking lot. We need to get to the grocery store ASAP. I need some candy."
  4. Another quote: "Come on man, start the engine & get the AC on. It's hot in this car."
  5. Prob-eee shops like a woman. (Sorry if I offend all Foxy Mamas) The 1st thing Prob-eee does is head straight to the 'customer service' representative and start asking questions about a) the weather b) the shop status including holiday store receipts c) good restaurants to hit up. No joke. Every store is the same experience. 
  6. Prob-eee's favorite show is The Family Guy. Yeah. I could be watching NCAA basketball, but no, Prob-eee has to watch f'n cartoons!
  7. A conversation: Judd says "Now what?" Prob-eee says "Let's drive drive slow up here and head to the park. That's a nice park."
  8. 'The picture' episode. Prob-eee says "Man, we got to drive by the Santa Barbara Police Station and get a picture. My daughter digs that show "Psych" Take a right up here, it'll be the 1st building on the right." 2 minutes later "Hey cool, there it is." Judd says "Prob-eee did you get your pic?" Prob-eee says "No, I missed it, I didn't know it would be RIGHT on the right!"
  9. Prob-eee's Word of the Day. Incredulous. Usage. "Why the hell would the pisser be out of order. Thats insane, stupid! See that dude over there? That dude wanted to use the pisser too, he was so incredulous.
Check this out. Prob-eee implementing his race strategy at the 24 Hours of Colorado Springs. Who in the world would cuddle up and cash out like that during a race?




And one final picture. The is Prob-eee pulling off his race strategy at the 24 Hours in the Enchanted Forest. As always, Prob-eee is interested in lawn chairs and recliners. If you have a spare one - let him know.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Freak Show | The Dirtbag


My appearance is changing. My life is changing. That's the way it is. But I'm proud of it all. So you, the Back of the Pack Fan, must hear it all. 

I'm sorry that Nov 8 - Feb 18 is the down time. I'm sorry that there are no crazy race reviews and no crazy stories. I'm sorry that this blog has drifted towards chaos and insanity.

You know what. I'm not sorry. This is life. And every day that we inhabit this planet called Earth - something cool happens. I think.

Anyway.

I've let many people down during the first 37 years of my life. I've made many people cry. (Specifically many foxy mamas. Many.) That all goes with the territory, chaos and insanity - as described above. 

But out of all the hearts I've broken and all the people i've pissed off there is one dude that I care about, one dude that gets all my respect, one dude who I don't ever want to let down again. That dude...The Lt Col. 

Why do I respect The Lt Col so much? Easy. 
  1. He works less than 8 hours a week but gets paid for a full time job. 
  2. He rides the SS on company time. 
  3. He never gives up - even when victory over The Judd is nearly impossible. 
So, in 2010 I let The Lt Col down. I promised to go for The Johnny. I committed to The Johnny. But I quit on The Johnny. Therefore I quit on The Lt Col. 

The Johhny, by Johnny

You see, The Lt Col is a Lt Col. Therefore The Lt Col cannot participate in The Freak Show, The Lt Col cannot be a dirtbag. That's where I come in. It's my responsibility as The Leader & The Founder of Back of the Pack Racing to represent at The Freak Show. To be accepted at The Freak Show I must commit to the Dirtbag lifestyle. Oh man, that's hard for a clean cut, hardworking, honest momma's boy like me. 

The personal conflict, the personal pain is almost unbearable. Why? Because.

1) The Judd lives within strict bounds of Law & Order.
2) Law & Order in Judd's world requires discipline. 
3) A clean cut image is a product of discipline. Shaving 7 days a week is a product of discipline. 
4) Shaving 7 days a week is good luck. (You think I made it through 12 years of college because I'm smart? Nope, I was lucky.)
4) Beards are a product of laziness. 
5) Beards may provide the missing link between apes and humans. Civilized humans don't look like apes. Hairy, lazy humans look like apes. I don't want to look like an ape. I don't want to have apes in my family tree. Apes scare me. I DID NOT evolve from an ape. I would know. You would not!

But I'm committed to The Johnny. I'm committed to Back of the Pack Racing. I want to lead. As The Leader of B.P.R. I need to make the followers follow. I need to make the followers proud. The Lt Col is a follower. (Prob-eee, don't forget. The Lt Col is a Founding Father. So show some respect.) I need the Lt Col to be proud of me, The Leader. Therefore, the S*^T on may face stays, even though it'll ruin all the family Christmas pictures.

But you know what... in the past few weeks i've learned that it takes extreme discipline to be undisciplined, to be unkempt, to be dirty, to live a life fueled by chaos. Therefore this experience is helping me grow as an individual. And that's good because Back of the Pack Racing is a team of individuals.

The S*^T on The Judd's Face

A Sunrise at The Prison Camp

The Sunrise again - looking the other way

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Urinal Etiquette: Back of the Pack Style

The Back of the Pack Racing Founding Fathers are a) whacked out, b) idealistic, c) altruistic and d) partially psychotic - in a good way.

There are many, many subtle characteristics that separate a Back of the Pack Founding Father from the common recruit - such as Prob-eee. But we, the Founding Fathers, are driven (most of the time) to educate the recruits and the general masses.

One MAJOR, and I mean MAJOR, issue is Urinal Etiquette. So many times we,  common men, are 'violated' at the urinal. These violations are unnecessary. AND we should not accept these 'innocent' violations. (Actually, there are no innocent violations!)

Below is a test. Take the test and prove to yourself that you are properly educated. All men on this planet we call EARTH should be, must be, skilled at Urinal Etiquette.

BTW. This summary of Urinal Etiquette was generated years ago, sometime in the 90's. I'm reproducing it WITHOUT permission from the author(s). We have no idea who the original authors are / were. We have no idea who defined Urinal Etiquette, but we all agree with Urinal Etiquette!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Urinal Etiquette
There is a code of ‘Urinal Etiquette” that MUST be followed.
Men should ace this test... women may have a little difficulty.
______________________________________________________________________
The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men’s room - a ‘6 holer’.
An ‘X’ above the number indicates IN USE.
SAMPLE:
|    |    | x |    |    | x | 
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 
This diagram indicates that urinals 3 and 6 are occupied.
THE TEST:
You are challenged to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, the proper urinal that you should occupy.
CONFIGURATION #1:
|    | x |    | x |    |    | 
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |    (urinals 2 and 4 occupied)
Your choice ______________
Correct Answer: 6
It’s the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this. 
CONFIGURATION #2:

| x |    |    |    |    |    | 
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |   (urinal 1 is occupied)
Your choice ______________
Correct Answer: 6
Urinal 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later. (This is an UNACCEPTABLE risk - if you ask the Back of the Pack Founding Fathers.)
*It’s getting harder - check your ego, dude!
CONFIGURATION #3:

|    |    |    |    |    |    | 
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |     (all urinals are empty)
Your choice ______________
Correct Answer: 1 or 6
You are tacitly saying “I don’t want anyone next to me”. (The Back of the Pack Founding  Fathers would add... the best choice is the urinal farthest from the door. The fat bastards will minimize the transit therefore extra protection is provided by extra distance between you and the door.)
CONFIGURATION #4:
|    | x |    | x |    | x | 
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |     (Urinals 2, 4 and 6 are occupied)
Your choice ______________
Correct Answer: 1
You’re stuck being next to at least one dude, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. (AND YOU CAN HELP IT, DUDE!) Exceptions to this are stadium pissers where the herd thunders in.
Subtle, tricky, but very important configuration:
CONFIGURATION #5:
|    | x |    |    | x | x | 
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |     (Urinals 2, 5 and 6 are occupied)
Your choice ______________
Correct Answer: 4
Believe it or not, 1 and 3 ‘couples’ you with the guy in urinal 2. And we wouldn’t want THAT now, would we? 
This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Needless to say, only we men understand!
VERY tricky configuration, dude!
CONFIGURATION #6:
| x | x |    |    | x | x | 
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |     (Urinals 1, 2, 5 and 6 are occupied)
Your choice ______________
Correct Answer: NONE!
You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals ‘open up’ a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for God’s sake.... use a doored stall!
Additional Elements of the UNWRITTEN CODE OF THE URINALS:
  • NO Talking, unless it’s a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and UNEMOTIONAL. This ain’t no clubhouse, dude!
  • YOU don’t need to be told, but... ABSOLUTELY NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another’s elbow is of the HIGHEST OFFENSE!
  • Glances are for purposes of acknowledgement only... “Yeah, I see you there, I will not look again.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


In Summary:
This is not a joke. This is serious. Unnecessary violations occur daily, for example:
Just today I was minding my 'own business' at the far urinal, the urinal farthest from the door. ONE JACKASS walked right up to the center urinal and started to purge. (This is a 3 holer situation.) Yes, the JACKASS walked extra steps to occupy the urinal right next to me. The JACKASS could have walked fewer steps and occupied the urinal farthest away from me. Troubling! THEN I proceeded to wash my hands in the sink closest to the door - quick exit. The JACKASS walked all the way across the room to the sink farthest away from 'my sink'. WHAT! The dude purges right next to me, but washes his hands 10 feet away. This is a violation. This is unacceptable! 

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Obesity: Back of the Pack Style

Obesity? Why kind of blog posting could this be?

Well, I'm talking about FAT not PHAT! I've been certified as "obese" before, so I know what I'm talking about. And you, the B.P.R. fan, are probably battling private weight problems too. Yeah, we all struggle with weight problems. Some humanoids are too heavy, some humanoids are too light. Very few humanoids are just right.

The Lt Col is 'just right' says The Foxy Mama1. Yeah, we puke every time she starts to brag about how PERFECT the Lt Col is. S*^T, I'm gagging as I write this!

But reality is what we live in. We can't all be the 'Diet Coke Guy'. But we can all commit to: a healthy lifestyle, to be physically fit, to look good in spandex, to look good in a Speedo. Ok, I'm losing it. Actually, I've lost it.

Anyway, a short history.

Back in the day I gave up mountain biking for..... a life of studies. Yep, I went to college and was unable to ride killer trails. So I started to lift weights, pound the iron. This skinny little runt turned into a larger then life beast. (Not really.)  Years and years of college corrupted my mind, I couldn't recapture the biking addiction. I fell into a golfing addiction and the weight lifting addiction. That was life. I was one mean bloated machine.

THEN in 2000 I went on a business trip to the deep Pacific, a small island in the middle of the ocean. We'll call it Kwajalein. On the way back there was a near disaster. The engines on the 737 went quiet and the plane went into a nose dive. We were dead, so we thought. But the engines came back to life, the aircraft stabilized, we survived. SO in 2001 I was sent back to the island. I was convinced I would die in a plane crash. Just because. So my plan was to load up on life insurance. At least my family would get a boatload of cash when I met my maker - while auguring into the Pacific. BUT the f'n insurance company declared me 'obese' and said they couldn't insure me. Obese? Uninsurable? Yeah, I was 6'1" and 230 lbs, but I was a man of muscle, not a man of fat. Well, rules are rules. The Judd was obese.

10 years later. The Judd is still obese, by definition. Yeah, my weight goes all over the place. I've been down to 208, up to 230, down to 199, up to 210. It all depends on what I do. Like I care! OH WAIT, I DO CARE!

What does an SS fanatic do on a Sunday? 
Cut the ride short and go eat Cheeseburgers!

So now that I'm addicted to ultra endurance single speed action I'm ready to commit to a healthy lifestyle, not a lifestyle constrained by 'obesity'. I'm taking all the steps to bust through the 200 lbs barrier. I must! I need to be a lean mean fighting machine prior to 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo. My predicted domination over the B.P.R. crew is public. So I must deliver.

What is my plan? Simple.
  • Eat right - eliminate Cheetos and Golden Pride Breakfast Burritos. 
  • Drink right - don't go crazy with the Modus Hoperandi, Dale's Pale Ale, Marble IPA. 
  • Ride right - put in the miles. 
  • Workout right - focus on the Crossfit routine, don't turn the workout into a Modus fueled garage party
  • AND make my personal battle against obesity public. Peer pressure rules us all!
So, it's public. I purchased a WiFi enabled scale. The weigh-ins are automatically imported to the blog. Check out the info on the left. We will see. Will I be successful? S*^T! Have I failed at anything in my life? Nope! (Ok, Ok. We aren't going to discuss relationships with Foxy Mamas.)


BPR Battle Against Obesity from Judd Rohwer on Vimeo.
The Public Battle. The Judd against The Cheetos!

By the way. Isn't it super dangerous for us obese dudes to race? Shouldn't race organizers be worried, just a bit? Talk about liability. There should be a weigh in, a Fat % measurement, the BMI calculation. This is serious stuff. The race organizers & insurance companies are accepting a huge risk by allowing us obese monsters to do this crazy stuff - to race for 24 hours!

It's difficult to suck in the gut when you're tired and it's 14 hours into a 24 hour race

It's best to just hide the gut if you know that a photographer is nearby


Sunday, December 5, 2010

A Winter Ride | The Usual Views | The Romance

I'm cranking up the mileage, slowly. No need to get crazy in early December. But I am riding after work, sort of. When I'm feeling romantic I go on a special Winter Sprint in Albuquerque's South Foothills. Well, I'm not really a romantic dude, but sunsets are cool. AND it's not really a sprint, but 5 miles is a sprint no matter how fast you ride. If I put the lights on the 'sheep I'd turn the 5 mile sprint into a 10 mile cruise.

Check out this video. Enjoy the Music. Or don't. I have a few ideas on how to improve the Back of the Pack video production - specifically the production of sunsets. This may be my winter hobby. Ok, probably not.


Winter Riding - Sunset Trail from Judd Rohwer on Vimeo.
A winter 'sprint' on the trails in Albuquerque / South Foothills

So, the Map:

And the Data:


Friday, December 3, 2010

The Future: The Issues

Last Weekend The Lt Col and I went out for an easy ride in the cold. We hit all the major climbs in the ABQ South Foothills: The SS Stress Test and a the complete set of the 3Puah. It was a slow day, not because of the cold but because of the discussions.

Check out this blog posting for a review of the B.P.R. rides in the ABQ Foothills. The Link, Dude!

The Ride:


We discussed The Future which led to The Issues

The Future:
  1. 2011 Races
  2. Bike Acquisitions
  3. Back of the Pack Rules / Regulations / Expectations
  4. B.P.R. Membership Categories
  5. B.P.R. Recruiting / Demotions / Promotions
The Issues:
  1. What do we do with Prob-eee.
  2. Could we open up B.P.R. Membership to include dudes & dudettes with gears?
  3. How do we entice dudettes (or dudes) to run the B.P.R. Pit at 24 hour races
  4. 24 Hour Strategy & Lap Transition.
  5. Back of the Pack Law and Order. Why is the obvious not so obvious?
So, after a 3 hour ride where we logged a SERIOUS 15 miles, this is what we decided:

2011 Races: The Selection:
The Lt Col is PISSED OFF about how I, The Judd, defined the 2011 race schedule. Specifically he wants to know why I selected some races as 'Races' and other races as 'Just for Fun'.

The Judd's Answer. "Dude, it's a strategy. If you don't like the strategy then generate a 2nd B.P.R. Blog and define the races that you want to be 'Races'."

The Lt Col's Reply. "That's so predictable. You know I can't blog, I can't even text. You're a moron. You're a cherry picking jerk!."

The Judd's Reply to the Reply."Lt Col, I'm not a moron. I don't cherry pick races. I'm just in charge. I'm The Founder, The Leader, The Philosofizer, The Hustorian. Yep, I'm in charge!"

Bike Acquisitions:
The Judd is addicted to spending money; specifically spending money on titanium and single speed machines. Last weekend The Judd was worried about this addiction and thinking about professional treatment. The Lt Col solved the problem with one sentence, "Dude, you can't have enough bikes."

You know what, The Lt Col is correct. I don't have an addiction. I just need to keep my money in circulation. It's my job to fuel this economy. My titanium and single speed 'lifestyle' is not an addiction. So I won't change course, I won't seek professional treatment. End of story!

Also. If I had a Foxy Mama, aka, a Sugar Mama. I could acquire more bikes and push more money into this economy. What a plan!

Prob-eee has issues, no one can argue that, here are the issues:
  • Prob-eee wears a fanny pack while riding. He won't admit it, but his words basically prove this.
  • Prob-eee LOVES the band Coldplay. He basically said 'I don't care what The Founding Fathers say, I love Coldplay and I will listen to Coldplay'
    • Ouch, this was not a good thing for Prob-eee to say to The Judd
  • Prob-eee enjoys Wine! Not good. Very disturbing
Because of all of the above (and some other stuff that will be posted later) The B.P.R. Founding Fathers believe that Prob-eee should be lowered (not elevated) to a new B.P.R. membership category. The Probationary Membership should be opened, opened wide up, for a real single speed fanatic. We are looking for a single speed fanatic that won't make the Fanny Pack, Coldplay, Wine drinking mistakes that Prob-eee routinely makes.

But this is the challenge to the B.P.R. Founding Fathers: How can we push Prob-eee to the edge of the cliff and yet ensure that he doesn't fall off the cliff? Without Prob-eee serving as 'The B.P.R. Target', The Judd's life becomes very difficult. Because The Judd becomes 'The B.P.R. Target'!

Maybe the answer is Membership Dues. We could apply a financial penalty to Prob-eee, in the name of B.P.R. Membership Dues. These dues would help fund the B.P.R. Treasury - which is The Judd's playground!

Gears or No Gears:
Well. The Lt Col, being the Back of the Pack Racing Elder Statesman, brought up a good question and formulated a great solution. The Lt Col knows that the B.P.R. ranks could grow and should grow. But the Single Speed requirement is slowing down the growth rate. (We actually don't care about the growth rate.)

So the Lt Col presented the questions and we formulated the ANSWERS:
  • Could we integrate some dudes / dudettes on gears? Could we levy on a few extra requirements. Of course we can!
    • Gears are allowed for dudes if the dudes run the B.P.R. pit while not racing. This is a simply solution to two issues presented above. Gears are allowed if pit service is supplied.
    • Gears are allowed for dudettes, as long as they are cool dudettes. The dudettes can ride 24 hour races, hang out at 24 hour races, do whatever. BUT the dudettes must  be able to hang with the B.P.R. chaos. We cannot change our behavior just because a foxy mama is around.
BUT there are a few extra issues that must be addressed if we open up membership ranks to gears:
  • Prob-eee can never show up with GEARS. NO MATTER WHAT!
  • Prob-eee must NEVER show up with GEARS or SPANDEX! This would be very bad for Prob-eee's future!
24 Hour Strategy & Lap Transition:
This is a simple problem that will never go away. BUT The Lt Col thinks he has it all figured out.
  1. The Lt Col plans to limit transition times to 2 minutes, on average. The transitions to night riding will be longer, of course
  2. The Lt Col plans to eat his burritos while riding. (The Lt Col devoured 17 burritos during the 2010 edition of 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo.)
  3. To do all the above The Lt Col needs a very efficient pit crew. 
I don't believe The Lt Col can pull this off. But I think he has something up his sleeve. Thus his desire to add GEARED dudes to the B.P.R. crew. This should be interesting. But I am on record. The Lt Col can't and won't break the 200 mile barrier simply because his burrito addiction requires lengthy pit stops. History will be repeated at the 2011 edition of The 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo!

Back of the Pack Law and Order. Why is the obvious not so obvious:
The Lt Col made an very relevant observation -> Prob-eee is an prime example of the AVERAGE AMERICAN. Americans are paralyzed by idiotic laws, idiotic processes. All this Idiocracy is due to the idiotic politicians that define the laws and processes. BUT these laws and processes are required because people do not UNDERSTAND the obvious and are UNWILLING to understand the obvious. Prob-eee is the prime example, as stated above. Prob-eee's desire to wear a fanny pack, listen to Coldpay and drink Wine is absurd. He should know better. And if he wants to be a closet fanny pack wearing, Coldplay listening, Wine drinking fool then he BETTER NOT tell one of the B.P.R. Founding Fathers! Come on Prob-eee! Pay Attention! If you tried to understand the obvious then we wouldn't need to spend our precious time making AND enforcing all these B.P.R. Rules & Regulations. DAMN!

AND YOU, THE B.P.R. FAN, don't worry about Prob-eee:
No one should worry about the treatment of Prob-eee. Prob-eee is busy working on his hippie  dream. Prob-eee doesn't check emails, doesn't check the team blog, doesn't even turn on his computer. That's why Prob-eee is OBLIVIOUS to the chaos that he creates. Prob-eee is simply out of touch - by choice! So don't worry about Prob-eee. He's OK, especially when he throwing down the Downward Dog pose in the middle of his office at work.

Finally, The Absurd:
The Lt Col rides with an iPod. This isn't a big deal. But it has led to a bit of absurdity. The Lt Col can jam out to KoRn and carry on a conversation - for THREE HOURS, up all sides of the 3PUAH. INSANE. What's ridiculous and absurd it that The Judd doesn't hear a thing that The Lt Col says. But The Lt Col hears everything that The Judd says, EVEN WITH ONE EAR BUD IN! I would say that The Lt Col has exceptional hearing. So, does The Lt Col's Foxy Mama know this? She believes that The Lt Col has some serious hearing loss, damage due to his 20+ years as a pilot. THE ABSURD: WHO'S FOOLING WHO!