Friday, December 3, 2010

The Future: The Issues

Last Weekend The Lt Col and I went out for an easy ride in the cold. We hit all the major climbs in the ABQ South Foothills: The SS Stress Test and a the complete set of the 3Puah. It was a slow day, not because of the cold but because of the discussions.

Check out this blog posting for a review of the B.P.R. rides in the ABQ Foothills. The Link, Dude!

The Ride:


We discussed The Future which led to The Issues

The Future:
  1. 2011 Races
  2. Bike Acquisitions
  3. Back of the Pack Rules / Regulations / Expectations
  4. B.P.R. Membership Categories
  5. B.P.R. Recruiting / Demotions / Promotions
The Issues:
  1. What do we do with Prob-eee.
  2. Could we open up B.P.R. Membership to include dudes & dudettes with gears?
  3. How do we entice dudettes (or dudes) to run the B.P.R. Pit at 24 hour races
  4. 24 Hour Strategy & Lap Transition.
  5. Back of the Pack Law and Order. Why is the obvious not so obvious?
So, after a 3 hour ride where we logged a SERIOUS 15 miles, this is what we decided:

2011 Races: The Selection:
The Lt Col is PISSED OFF about how I, The Judd, defined the 2011 race schedule. Specifically he wants to know why I selected some races as 'Races' and other races as 'Just for Fun'.

The Judd's Answer. "Dude, it's a strategy. If you don't like the strategy then generate a 2nd B.P.R. Blog and define the races that you want to be 'Races'."

The Lt Col's Reply. "That's so predictable. You know I can't blog, I can't even text. You're a moron. You're a cherry picking jerk!."

The Judd's Reply to the Reply."Lt Col, I'm not a moron. I don't cherry pick races. I'm just in charge. I'm The Founder, The Leader, The Philosofizer, The Hustorian. Yep, I'm in charge!"

Bike Acquisitions:
The Judd is addicted to spending money; specifically spending money on titanium and single speed machines. Last weekend The Judd was worried about this addiction and thinking about professional treatment. The Lt Col solved the problem with one sentence, "Dude, you can't have enough bikes."

You know what, The Lt Col is correct. I don't have an addiction. I just need to keep my money in circulation. It's my job to fuel this economy. My titanium and single speed 'lifestyle' is not an addiction. So I won't change course, I won't seek professional treatment. End of story!

Also. If I had a Foxy Mama, aka, a Sugar Mama. I could acquire more bikes and push more money into this economy. What a plan!

Prob-eee has issues, no one can argue that, here are the issues:
  • Prob-eee wears a fanny pack while riding. He won't admit it, but his words basically prove this.
  • Prob-eee LOVES the band Coldplay. He basically said 'I don't care what The Founding Fathers say, I love Coldplay and I will listen to Coldplay'
    • Ouch, this was not a good thing for Prob-eee to say to The Judd
  • Prob-eee enjoys Wine! Not good. Very disturbing
Because of all of the above (and some other stuff that will be posted later) The B.P.R. Founding Fathers believe that Prob-eee should be lowered (not elevated) to a new B.P.R. membership category. The Probationary Membership should be opened, opened wide up, for a real single speed fanatic. We are looking for a single speed fanatic that won't make the Fanny Pack, Coldplay, Wine drinking mistakes that Prob-eee routinely makes.

But this is the challenge to the B.P.R. Founding Fathers: How can we push Prob-eee to the edge of the cliff and yet ensure that he doesn't fall off the cliff? Without Prob-eee serving as 'The B.P.R. Target', The Judd's life becomes very difficult. Because The Judd becomes 'The B.P.R. Target'!

Maybe the answer is Membership Dues. We could apply a financial penalty to Prob-eee, in the name of B.P.R. Membership Dues. These dues would help fund the B.P.R. Treasury - which is The Judd's playground!

Gears or No Gears:
Well. The Lt Col, being the Back of the Pack Racing Elder Statesman, brought up a good question and formulated a great solution. The Lt Col knows that the B.P.R. ranks could grow and should grow. But the Single Speed requirement is slowing down the growth rate. (We actually don't care about the growth rate.)

So the Lt Col presented the questions and we formulated the ANSWERS:
  • Could we integrate some dudes / dudettes on gears? Could we levy on a few extra requirements. Of course we can!
    • Gears are allowed for dudes if the dudes run the B.P.R. pit while not racing. This is a simply solution to two issues presented above. Gears are allowed if pit service is supplied.
    • Gears are allowed for dudettes, as long as they are cool dudettes. The dudettes can ride 24 hour races, hang out at 24 hour races, do whatever. BUT the dudettes must  be able to hang with the B.P.R. chaos. We cannot change our behavior just because a foxy mama is around.
BUT there are a few extra issues that must be addressed if we open up membership ranks to gears:
  • Prob-eee can never show up with GEARS. NO MATTER WHAT!
  • Prob-eee must NEVER show up with GEARS or SPANDEX! This would be very bad for Prob-eee's future!
24 Hour Strategy & Lap Transition:
This is a simple problem that will never go away. BUT The Lt Col thinks he has it all figured out.
  1. The Lt Col plans to limit transition times to 2 minutes, on average. The transitions to night riding will be longer, of course
  2. The Lt Col plans to eat his burritos while riding. (The Lt Col devoured 17 burritos during the 2010 edition of 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo.)
  3. To do all the above The Lt Col needs a very efficient pit crew. 
I don't believe The Lt Col can pull this off. But I think he has something up his sleeve. Thus his desire to add GEARED dudes to the B.P.R. crew. This should be interesting. But I am on record. The Lt Col can't and won't break the 200 mile barrier simply because his burrito addiction requires lengthy pit stops. History will be repeated at the 2011 edition of The 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo!

Back of the Pack Law and Order. Why is the obvious not so obvious:
The Lt Col made an very relevant observation -> Prob-eee is an prime example of the AVERAGE AMERICAN. Americans are paralyzed by idiotic laws, idiotic processes. All this Idiocracy is due to the idiotic politicians that define the laws and processes. BUT these laws and processes are required because people do not UNDERSTAND the obvious and are UNWILLING to understand the obvious. Prob-eee is the prime example, as stated above. Prob-eee's desire to wear a fanny pack, listen to Coldpay and drink Wine is absurd. He should know better. And if he wants to be a closet fanny pack wearing, Coldplay listening, Wine drinking fool then he BETTER NOT tell one of the B.P.R. Founding Fathers! Come on Prob-eee! Pay Attention! If you tried to understand the obvious then we wouldn't need to spend our precious time making AND enforcing all these B.P.R. Rules & Regulations. DAMN!

AND YOU, THE B.P.R. FAN, don't worry about Prob-eee:
No one should worry about the treatment of Prob-eee. Prob-eee is busy working on his hippie  dream. Prob-eee doesn't check emails, doesn't check the team blog, doesn't even turn on his computer. That's why Prob-eee is OBLIVIOUS to the chaos that he creates. Prob-eee is simply out of touch - by choice! So don't worry about Prob-eee. He's OK, especially when he throwing down the Downward Dog pose in the middle of his office at work.

Finally, The Absurd:
The Lt Col rides with an iPod. This isn't a big deal. But it has led to a bit of absurdity. The Lt Col can jam out to KoRn and carry on a conversation - for THREE HOURS, up all sides of the 3PUAH. INSANE. What's ridiculous and absurd it that The Judd doesn't hear a thing that The Lt Col says. But The Lt Col hears everything that The Judd says, EVEN WITH ONE EAR BUD IN! I would say that The Lt Col has exceptional hearing. So, does The Lt Col's Foxy Mama know this? She believes that The Lt Col has some serious hearing loss, damage due to his 20+ years as a pilot. THE ABSURD: WHO'S FOOLING WHO!


2 comments:

  1. Prob-eee is as Prob-eee does...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Uh, that doesn't make it OK. Or does it?

    ReplyDelete